the thing about nightmares. 

I have been having nightmares every night. No, scrape that. Every time I fall asleep. I didn’t think much about them when they first started but after 2.5 weeks….

These nightmares. They aren’t really about ghosts, monsters, zombies, dinosaurs and etc not about things that I can rationalise away. They are about fear itself, being unable to help people in need, unable to save my family, general sense of dread, unable to have control over things, hurting pple, being betrayed etc These are things that can’t be rationalised away. It’s….bad.

It got to a point where I actually wake myself up the moment I start dreaming. These fears start seeping into my life too. 

But they seem to be toning down. The nightmares. I can sleep a little better these days. I don’t wake up drench in sweat. I don’t feel like I am drowning everytime I fall asleep.

Here’s to more good sleep! I need it if I want to survive my 16 weeks. 

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Letter from 2015 (:

안녕!

그동안 잘 지냈어? 건강하기 지냈어? 행복하기?

Hello, 29th. How has Year 28 been? As always, here’s a quick recap of what happened in Year 27.

It’s been quite a year, hasn’t it? Unemployment, employed at a international company only to be ‘made use of’ but that was the ultimate push for you to join teaching (: TEACHING!! Remember how sweet your kids are? Swarming you in the morning, their constant, “Miss Wu, Miss Wu”. The appreciative parents. You’ve never felt quite so happy in a very long time. Remember? 

Year 28. I don’t quite know what to expect but God has a plan for me (: In my teaching, at home, with my friends. I never thought I will be saying that a few years back but God has a way of calling you back to Him.

So…how’s Year 28 been? I’m hope it’s been awesome! Otherwise, take a breath and remember how you feel now. And take a read at the message from Year 26. It’s been pretty cool (: A little stress and a little health scare. heh.

How’s 2RP? Did you end up being like a form teacher to them? I hope the kids are as sweet as P2Care. Are you in NIE now? Or has that been postponed to 2017? I sure hope you are still teaching, babe. 2RP has been fabulous! To have seen them grow and change in the 6 months I had with them has been nothing short of spectacular and wonder. Am in NIE now and as studying always do, my positivity is getting zipped out. But met some pretty good tut mates! Can’t wait to teach again (:

How’s Note 5? Surviving? iPod Touch? ASUS laptop? All alive and I hope they continue to . especially after the exploding Note 7 saga. not directly affected but still….

Have you gone back to Seoul? You were missing it so much. A home away from home. I hope you’ve been overseas at least once! Or a staycation at least. Still grounded 😦 but I went for a staycation in June ! junking up on cable TV. hehe.

How’s the family? Mum had shingles this year and is not feeling too good. It’s heartbreaking to see her like that. I hope everyone is okay and HEALTHY! Mum, Dad, Grams and the siblings! Family’s good (: 

Attached? Have you been meeting up with your friends? No and once every 6 mths or so. Haha. oh and some 烂桃花. eck.

I don’t know why I’m feeling like I will lose something in Year 28 as I’m writing this. It’s just me being paranoid. God will guide you through. You didn’t  (:

Year 29. My goodness. The big 3-0 next year. How did that happen?

Anyhoos! Remember to thank God for bringing you through another year. Hopefully Year 28 has been grace-filled, favour-filled and blessed (: And here’s hoping Year 29 is as well!

Cheers, 
Huishan

Devotion 04/9/2016

Sometimes, I find meaningful words/verses/phrases and I do a screenshot of them. But somehow, an idea struck me today and I thought, “Why not just do a weekly Sunday thing?” Just in case the phone dies and the screenshots disappeared *choy!*

Thanks to Uber’s $5 Uberpool deal, I was able to get home comfortably and quickly this week. Well, except Thursday (pouring and couldn’t get any) and Friday (GrabHitch’s $2 deal!). Going to have to get used to the long commute back home again this week *sigh* But I am allowing myself to take ONE ride home every week. Better utilize that wisely. Heh.

Well, September is going to be a mad mad month. Many assignments due. Assignment fever! But I guess, that will also mean a more relaxed rest of the term? No idea. One step at a time eh? GESL is stressing me out (that’s all I can will say). I honestly think I must learn to delegate.

Caught the cold today but managed to complete 2 module’s readings. Pretty surprised. Going to spend a bit more time resting up on Sunday, I hope. No idea what the coming week will bring. But definitely more madness.

Lord, I am tired and exhausted most of the time. Remind me to turn to you and cast my troubles/worries/concerns onto you at times like this. Give me the strength and grace to cope with everything. Teach me to hold my tongue and show Your love in my actions, words and thoughts. I trust in You. Amen.

Holy Spirit, show me who You’ve placed in my life that I can share my faults, weaknesses and hurts with. I want to open the door to greater healing in my life and in theirs. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Nothing is hidden that won’t be exposed. Nor is anything concealed that won’t be made known and brought to the light. – Luke 8:17

The temptation to press too hard, to demand too much, to force progress, or to orchestrate success can lead us to harm others when we don’t realize it. For this very reason, followers of Christ are urged to be patient and gentle with one another (Col 3:12). – ODB, 30 August 2016

The Bible says a good tree will bear good fruit, and a rotten tree will bear rotten fruit. Likewise, the ‘fruit’ of our lives come from the ‘root’ within us. If you’re rooted in shame, guilt, inferority, rejection, lack of love and acceptance etc, the fruit of your relationships will suffer. God, I want to be rooted in Your love for me. Without Your love, I can’t love myself or others, so I receive it today. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Father, You are the craftsman who shapes me. You are the one who knows what shape my life should take. Thank You for carving me into the image You have planned. Help me to trust that the pieces and parts that You shave from me are the right ones. – ODB, 2 September 2016

Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28

God, I can’t see ‘past my nose’, but I trust You because I know that You see all. I believe that You can take my trials and bring good out of them. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

..in God, whose word I praise; I trust in God, I won’t be afraid. What can mere flesh do to me? – Psalms 56: 4

Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28

Amen.

Devotion 28/8/2016

Sometimes, I find meaningful words/verses/phrases and I do a screenshot of them. But somehow, an idea struck me today and I thought, “Why not just do a weekly Sunday thing?” Just in case the phone dies and the screenshots disappeared *choy!*

Gonna need to change the month again next week. And it’s Week 10 in school school too. Time really does zoom by!

My OCD was properly triggered last week. On Tuesday, my brain was processing so much stuff that I forgot if I had washed my hair, face and body many many times. I spent about an hour plus in the bathroom! And my mood control of my mood hasn’t been that great too. I realised I have two types of stress mode – school stress: can’t control mood, teaching stress: 90% ability to control. Man, can’t really wait to go back to the kids!

Ah well. First presentation coming up! Hopefully it will go well.

Lord, be with you as I continue my studies. Give me the strength, perseverance and grace to get through this. Let my light shine through even when things get tough. Guide me. I trust in you. Amen!

The Lord is my light and my salvation. Should I fear anyone? The Lord is a fortress protecting my life. Should I be frightened of anything? – Psalms 27:1

Lord, let me see the way of escape You offer when I am tempted. Give me the strength to accept Your help so I can stay faithful to You. I know this Your desire for me, and I thank You that You are at work in me. Great blessings are often followed by great temptations. – ODB, 22 August 2016

Destructive people produce conflict; gossips alienate close friends. – Proverbs 16:28

God, you are wonderful and amazing, which is why I can rejoice in You always. Depression has no place in my life because I am filled with you! –  Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Be glad in the Lord always! Again I say, be glad! – Philippians 4:4

Lord Jesus, I know my spirit is willing, but my body is weak. Help me to watch and pray today for myself and for others. – ODB, 24 August 2016

Don’t be too quick to get angry because anger lives in the fool’s heart. – Ecclesiastes 7:9

Pleasant words are flowing honey, sweet to the taste and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

When disappointment weighs on you, you can either let it press you down or you can use it as a stepping stone to better things. God, like Psalm 119:15 says, I will meditate on Your Word, not the little disappointments that try to press me down. Life can be discouraging, but Your Word is encouraging, I know I can overcome the discouragement by looking to You. –  Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

I will think about your precepts and examine all your paths. – Psalm 119:15

Lord, when we are honest with You, we understand how often we fall short of honorable behavior. We know how much we need You. By your Spirit, help us replace any selfish thoughts, words and actions with things that please You and draw others to You. – ODB, 26 August 2016

But the Lord is faithful and will give you strength and protect you from the evil one. – 2 Thessalonians 3:3

Death and life are in the power of the tongue; those who love it will eat its fruit. – Proverbs 18:21

When disappointment weighs on you, you can either let it press you down or you can use it as a stepping stone to better things. God, like Psalm 119:15 says, I will meditate on Your Word, not the little disappointments that try to press me down. Life can be discouraging, but Your Word is encouraging, I know I can overcome the discouragement by looking to You. –  Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Amen.

Devotion 21/8/2016

Sometimes, I find meaningful words/verses/phrases and I do a screenshot of them. But somehow, an idea struck me today and I thought, “Why not just do a weekly Sunday thing?” Just in case the phone dies and the screenshots disappeared *choy!*

The madness has arrived and slowly consuming us. Need to take some time to consolidate the deadlines so that I can have the bigger picture. But I think it is more likely that I will end up living by the day/week instead. Even with the bigger picture.

Glad that things went pretty okay this week (: Thank you, God. I realised the importance of being thankful and appreciative of what you have. If you don’t do that, you’ll always be unhappy. You can blame that unhappiness on your friends, family and the universe. But ultimately, nothing is going to change. You’ll never be satisfied. Yes, talking about someone I know. Sigh.

Okay, no emo! Glad that I met some fun people during the GESL leader training today! Next week is going to be challenging. 3 days of 8.30am lessons, 3 days of 7.30pm lessons. Assignment coming up. Omona. I can do this! (:

Lord, thank you for teaching me the importance of being appreciative. Please provide me with the strength, perseverance and energy that I’ll need to get through this coming week. Guide me in my interactions with people too. Amen.

A passive person gives up but the expectant person, on the other hand, is hopeful, believing the answer is just around the corner, due to arrive any minute. God, I want to wait expectantly, not passively. I’ll keep asking You for my breakthrough, knowing full well that You’ll bring it at the right time.  – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Ask, and you will receive. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you. – Matthew 7:7

God, I accept Your timing. I may not always understand, but I know Your ways are perfect and I completely trust in You. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

A good name is more desirable than great riches. – Proverbs 22:1

Lord, I have weaknesses that I’m ashamed of, but holding on to them won’t do me any good. I choose to be open about my flaws so that You can help me overcome them. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Instead, we reject secrecy and shameful actions. We don’t use deception, and we don’t tamper with God’s words. – 2 Corinthians 4:2

Father in Heaven, thank You for the light of Jesus that came into the world and for the light He has brought into my life. Help me to remain grateful and to be Your light in the dark world around me. – ODB, 16 August 2016

God, I’m ready to change and live with the mind of Christ. Help me to only think about what is true, honorable, pure, lovely, kind, gracious, virtuous – whatever is of You. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

I know that prayer isn’t a good-luck charm. But I come to You now, Lord, because there’s no one better to talk to. I trust You with all of my circumstances today. God will never turn away whoever turns to Him in faith. – ODB, 18 August 2016

Holy Spirit, don’t let me be too intense. Help me remember to give myself permission to lighten up and celebrate Your goodness every day. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

If we compare ourselves with our difficulties, we will always be overwhelmed. Faith looks away from the greatness of the undertaking to the greatness of an ever-present, all-powerful God. Dear Lord, when the ‘giants’ in my life begin to overwhelm me with fear, help me to trust in You. – ODB, 20 August 2016

When pride comes, so does shame, but wisdom brings humility. – Proverbs 11:2

God, I want to abide in You and Your Word every day. When trials come my way, I pray that You would use them to make me stronger and spread Your Word to those around me. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

I know that prayer isn’t a good-luck charm. But I come to You now, Lord, because there’s no one better to talk to. I trust You with all of my circumstances today. God will never turn away whoever turns to Him in faith. – ODB, 18 August 2016

Amen.

Devotion 14/8/2016

Sometimes, I find meaningful words/verses/phrases and I do a screenshot of them. But somehow, an idea struck me today and I thought, “Why not just do a weekly Sunday thing?” Just in case the phone dies and the screenshots disappeared *choy!*

Week 1 was 50% load, Week 2 was 75% load. Coming week? Full load! Loads of stuff happening, both personal and study-wise. I don’t even want to think about. Going to focus on resting up on Sunday and just diving straight into the week. Diving…Joseph Schooling won Gold in the Olympics! YAYY!

I can’t remember much of what happened last week. Just loads of lessons and lectures. Coming home late, exhausted. Attempting to do my assignments. Going through the motions and not much time for reflection so….Not feeling much.

Ahwells. Can’t wait for the year to be over and go back to my kids (:

Lord, the coming week will be challenging and tiring. I ask for strength and grace to guide me through the week. I know you will be with me and see me through. I trust in You. Amen!

It’s importnat to realize that just becuase you are alone, it doesn’t mean you must be lonely or lonesome…because God is always there. He will never leave you or forsake you. God, I’m so glad that You’re always with me. I know I never have to feel lonely with You by my side. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Lord, help me to keep an open heart to listen to others and to share about what You have done. – ODB, 9 August 2016

God, I may be a ‘cracked pot’, but You are the potter and You can use me for Your purposes despite my flaws. Fill me with Your goodness and light so tha tI can carry it into the world around me. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

But now, Lord, you are our father. We are the clay, and you are our potter. All of us are the work of your hand. – Isaiah 64:8

Heavenly Father, You protect me. Shield me from anything that would take my focus away from You. We find refuge in the Lord. – ODB, 10 August 2016

Holy Spirit, help me to listen closely to Your promptings every day. I want Your peace, so I will listen to You. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

I’m humbled, Lord, that You would come near to me. But I’m grateful. Thank You. – ODB, 11 August 2016

We cannot stem the tide of information that bombard us, but we can ask God each day to help us focus on Him and to shape our thinking through His presence in our lives. Father in heaven, still and focus my mind, quiet my heart, and fill me with Your thoughts throughout this day. – ODB, 12 August 2016

Choosing to pray for them is one of the most difficult things God asks us to do, especially if we believe that whoever hurt us is in the wrong and doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. But God instructs us to practice forgiveness. And when we choose to follow the path of forgiveness, we will experience the peace and joy that come through obeying God’s Word. When you obey God, He can help you overcome the pain and enjoy life more. God, it’s hard, but I pray for those who have hurt me and ask You to bless them. Help me to release the hurt and forgive them. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who mistreat you. – Luke 6:28

Heavenly Father, thank You that although I cannot comprehend You, I can know You. I’m grateful. Remind me that even though You and Your ways might be beyond me, I can always count on Your love for me and Your presence with me. – ODB, 13 August 2016

Holy Spirit, help me to see the spiritual signs that You’ve placed for me on the road of life. When I see them, I will obey them and follow You safely through life. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Holy Spirit, help me to listen closely to Your promptings every day. I want Your peace, so I will listen to You. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Amen.

Devotion 7/8/2016

Sometimes, I find meaningful words/verses/phrases and I do a screenshot of them. But somehow, an idea struck me today and I thought, “Why not just do a weekly Sunday thing?” Just in case the phone dies and the screenshots disappeared *choy!*

It’s August already. I survived the first week of school. Go, me! The coming 2 weeks is going to be tough with long days (12 hours of school), assignments and playing the role of the rock in the family. Trying not to psych myself out even before everything happens.

The Lord will secure my steps. One step at time.

Going to catch up on sleep soon.

Thank you, Lord for bringing me through the first week of school. For the coming week, help me to cast all my worries and troubles onto you. You have a plan for me so I will trust and not be afraid. Give me strength and positivity this coming week. In You I trust. Amen.

The Lord isn’t slow to keep his promise, as some think of slowness, but he is patient towards you, not wanting anyone to perish but all to change their hearts and lives. – 2 Peter 3:9

O Lord my God, I praise You for all You have done in the past. I look forward with thankfulness for all You will do in the future. And I thank You for today and all Your blessings. When we walk with God, the best is yet to come. – ODB, 1 August 2016

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. – Deuteronomy 33:27

For change to occur in your life, you can’t be a prisoner of your circumstances. Know that God is willing to help you today. You just have to decide to trust Him, get up and actively pursue the freedom He’s giving you. God, I don’t want to be a victim of my circumstances. I want to change. I receive Your strength and Your freedom today. I believe that real change can occur in my life as I walk with You. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Heavenly Father, give me strength of character and perseverance to serve you better. Help me not to get discouraged when things get tough but to rely on You to see me through. Faith connects our weakness to God’s strength. – ODB, 2 August 2016

God, I want to obey Your word, which tells me to be compassionate and good to those who have hurt me. I know that when I do, I will experience peace and joy on the inside. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Instead, love your enemies, do good, and lend expecting nothing in return. If you do, you will have a great reward. You will be acting the way children of the Most High act, for his kind to ungrateful and wicked people. – Luke 6:35

Dear Father, help us today to embrace all that You have given us in Your Son – forgiveness, hope, encouragement, and power to live a new life. Never measure God’s unlimited power by your limited expectations. – ODB, 3 August 2016

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, the one who called you into his eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will himself restore, empower, strengthen, and establish you. – 1 Peter 5:10

Many times we think we should wait to do something until we are no longer afraid, but if we did that, we’d probably accomplish very little for God, for others, or even for ourselves. God, You were faithful to Abram when he obeyed You in spite of fear, so I also decide to put my fear aside and do whatever You tell me to do. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Being open about our struggles puts us on the same level with every other human alive. “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven.” Dear Jesus, I worship You as the only perfect human ever to live. Thank You for making it possible for me to have victory over sin. -ODB, 4 August 2016

Sometimes, Lord, life seems out of control and I don’t know exactly which direction to take. Thank You for overseeing my life and prompting me in the right way through Your Word and Your Spirit. The Lord never lets us out of His sight. – ODB, 5 August 2016

There is a war going on, and your mind is the battlefield. But the good news is that God is fighting on your side! Holy Spirit, I don’t want to be deceived, ignoring the real battle that’s happening in my mind. Keep me on guard so that I can fight the good fight. With You on my side, I can’t lose! – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Expressing joy through the calm delight of smiling brings good things into your own life and shares the joy and light of the Lord with others, so smile! Lord, remind me to smile daily! You’ve given me great joy, and I want to display it and brighten the lives of others! – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

A joyful heart brightens one’s face, but a troubled heart breaks the spirit. – Proverbs 18:13

When life is difficult and we feel we are under pressure, it’s so easy to see nothing but our problems. But the author of the letter to the Hebrews suggests a better way. He reminds us that Jesus went through unimaginable suffering in our place and that if we fix our eyes on Him (12:2), He will strenghten us. Sometimes, Lord, it seems as if I can only see the knots and tangles in the tapestry of my life. Please help me to open my eyes and see the beautiful picture You are weaving. – ODB, 6 August 2016

God, I know that I can’t run my life on my own, so I humble myself today and ask You for help. I trust You and give You control in my life. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Heavenly Father, give me strength of character and perseverance to serve you better. Help me not to get discouraged when things get tough but to rely on You to see me through. Faith connects our weakness to God’s strength. – ODB, 2 August 2016

Amen!