When you find yourself relating to the same song after a 3-year gap, you know you are back at the same place again. Hahah.
But yes. Sometimes, it feels a little bit like this –
Everything is F’ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
’cause I can’t turn to you when it all falls apart
Don’t know where I parked my car
Don’t know who my real friends are (anymore)
Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
’cause it just seems to go bad everytime
Will I be mending?
Another one ending once again.
I am going to need to find that “faith” and just blindly trust. I don’t want to have to second-guess anyone’s agenda. It’s tiring and makes me feel bad. I end up crying and hurting anyway. And if my guess of the person’s agenda is wrong, I end up hurting that person and then I end up hurting myself even more.
Actually, I’ve already done that by accident. Still feeling bad about it.
Why can’t people just get along because they like each other’s company? And not have any agenda (good or bad). I know I am naive and silly for wanting to believe that. But I am skeptical enough as it is. Can you imagine how I’ll be like if I start taking into account the agenda of other people?
So I am just going to continue and pretend that everyone has no agenda for being with me. That I am too dumb and too bimbotic for anyone to have an agenda with me. I don’t want to know what your agenda is with me. I am going to get hurt along the way. But well, that will be my filter. That will be when I know, when I will learn who to drop out of my life.
Why do I have a feeling that this time, I am going to drop a few friends that I hold close to me?
只要你用平常心对待别人， whatever that happens after that is beyond your control.
Saying is always easier than doing. Now, I have to turn the tap off and start believing in what I’ve said.
Will you be there for me? To catch me when these people start hurting me? To drive me around in your car when I am upset?
It’s going to be one hell of a ride.
P/S: I am not talking about anyone in particular. Just that I think I am losing myself these days. Losing my “innocence”.