The amount of tears I cried this year is probably more than the total amount I cried last year and the year before. Not going to lie, 2009 has been a bumpy ride so far.
And whenever I cry, I will think of my gramps. Whenever I find that I am getting a little skeptical of people, I think of my gramps.
4 months before he passed away, I broke down before him. And that was the last image he remembers of me.
The night before he passed away, I thought I saw him. He told me he was going home. That I should no longer cry. And I promised him. The next morning, he passed away.
I did not cry for his funeral. Did not cry for 1.5 years afterwards. I haven’t been to his “grave” at the Garden of Remembrance for 2 years. I miss him. I really want to go back there to tell him that I am starting another phase of my life.
That I am sorry for crying so much this year. That I will get stronger.
But I can’t. My parents forbids me to go there. And it’s too dangerous to go there 😦
I went for a stroll just now. And on the way home, I saw falling leaves. It reminded of when we were in primary school. Waiting in the carpark during recess time. And whenever leaves fall, we will try to catch them and them making a wish with the leaves we caught. I thought of TPL.
I remembered how I used to talk to him on the phone while jumping on my bed in Primary 6. I remembered how he likes to tease me about DDR. And the best memory of all…2 years after graduating from primary school, 2 years after not talking to each other, he popped by my dad’s shop during my birthday and dropped a present for me(:
Happy Birthday, TPL! Even though it is 16 days late. We miss you.