So I think everyone on Plurk, more or less already know that I had this really disturbing dream on Saturday night. I woke up crying and whining. And I never do those things when I sleep. So yeah.
Can’t really share much about the details of the dream.
But it revolves around something that I am really scared of. The issue of trust, of betrayal, of being alone.
In the dream, two people that I really trust betrayed my trust. And it hurt because I thought the relationship between us was based on honesty and truth. And I absolutely refused to listen to everyone else and trusted them. So, when I found out that I was taken for a fool in the dream, it hurt extra badly. It didn’t help that these two person were hurling abuse at me in the dream. And that in the dream, no one was there to help me because I didn’t listen to them in the first place.
Yups. The dream felt so real. That’s probably why I woke up crying.
And I am scared. Because my dreams usually come true. 80% of the time. I have always had major deja-vu.
If this dream do come true, I am going to have one helluva breakdown.
So, everyone! If you have something to tell me, tell me now. It’s probably going to hurt less if I know now than if I know about it later or if I find out myself.
And watching a re-run of ANTM 11, seeing Elina breaking down after putting on a brave/hard front the entire season and saying, “..I don’t trust myself..”. It struck a chord in me? Kinda. Because I realised I don’t trust myself when it comes to trusting people. I trust myself in most other aspect of my life. But when it comes to trusting people, I don’t trust my own judgment. I’ve been wrong one too many times. It takes a while, a little patience, a little frustration and a little maintenance before I trust anyone. So yups. The girls have been through it. Heh.