hesitation and growing old.

My grandma fell down on Saturday while she was in the bathroom. Being the strong woman that she is, she refused to tell us that she fell down and kept insisting that she was alright. It was until my mum forced opened the toilet door that we saw her there.

It was quite a sight. I was shocked and I survived on adrenaline alone. I wanted to cry at some point but adrenaline stopped it. I’m glad that my mum was there. Despite her eye-operation, she jumped into control immediately. Without her, I don’t think I could have helped my grams up.

My grams is okay now. We will be observing her for the next few days.

But I am not the hero that everyone think that I am. When I saw my grams and the mess, my first thought was, “..Okay. Mum will take care of it.” Because I couldn’t get over myself. I couldn’t get over my need for cleanliness. Despite knowing that my mum needs my help. That moment of hesitation. Even though I did get over in the end, I can’t help but feel bad about it. Sigh.

Whatever it is. I just want to say thank you, God. For alot of things. For looking after my grams. For giving her the courage so she’ll let us in and help her. For my mum being there. For helping me get over myself.

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