that feeling.

i always get this feeling when i start getting close to people. when i feel that they are taking root in my life. when they are no longer just colleagues, or just acquaintance. when they crossed that line and become friends.

i start to get skeptical.

i don’t know how to describe this feeling. but it’s there.

the feeling to push them away. the feeling that i will offend them somehow. the feeling that i want to keep them at arms’ length. that feeling of knowing that people will drift apart, but i want it to end on my terms.

that feeling.

i guess it’s because i don’t want to get hurt. i want to destroy things now because if they get any closer and they leave, the “trauma” will not be manageable.


do you get that sometimes?

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