i’m down.

I wish I don’t only blog when I am upset. But…ahwell.

It’s getting easier for little things, big things, all things to irk me and to disturb me.

The past few weeks were not awesome. Not fantastic. Not good. Not normal. It was a downward spiral towards negativity.

I don’t really want to talk about the reasons here. Let’s just say everything is just adding up. And no, it’s not just about work or that recent issue.

I don’t know if anyone has noticed but…I’m eating lesser these days. I skip meals. I eat a tiny portion of my food and declare that I am full. It seems to be a counter-reaction to all these negativity. Especially for the past week and a half.

I don’t know if I’ve lost any actual weight but I know my body is shrinking. I can see it.

I know it’s not good for my body but I can’t help it. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m sick of being strong. I’m sick of things beyond my control. Yet…I refused to ask for help. I don’t want to.

I want to cry. I want to curl up and sleep the whole day away. I want to escape into books. But I can’t I can’t I can’t.

I dont need people to solve my problems. But I think I need people to “prop me up”.

I don’t know. So, here’s an official statement to everyone. I’m down. Out of order. Almost¬†malfunctioning.



feeling ridiculous.

I bought a winter jacket from The North Face yesterday. It was expensive but at least I got it on discount!

The North Face Greenland Jacket

I was pretty nervous about spending such a huge amount so I forgot to ask the lady to get me a new piece. Initially, I wanted to bring it to the laundry shop but after reading the mini-laundry care thing sewed at the side of the jacket and calling the shop, I changed my mind.

Apparently, dry-cleaning and putting it in the sun is a no-no for this jacket. And I quote the lady from The North Face ION, “If the jacket is not dirty, it’s best not to wash it.” So, I just used my favorite wet tissue and gave it a wipe-down.

The ridiculous moment.

While I was taking medicine just moments ago, my mum who was helping me pack the jacket went, “Eh. Go ask your colleagues on how to wash the jacket.”

Okay, just yesterday, my dad just told me to ask my colleagues how I can cure my cough. Like what? The parents seem to think that the colleagues are know-it-all and that I should ask them about everything in my life.

Anyway, my reply was not too nice I admit but…”Why you and dad always want me to ask my colleagues about everything?! Aiyo.”

You would think she will be angry about this. WRONG!

She went on, “I don’t think any laundry-shop can wash this jacket for you. Cannot put into the sun! How is it possible?”

I told her, “I will just let them know that this jacket cannot be dry-clean and has to be air-dry!”

She repeated her point and I repeated mine again.

After 2-3 times of this, ¬†she laughed and said, ” HA! You think they so free and so nice meh! Laundry shops are so small, they will not care about your ‘instruction’. Sure will put it out in the sun with the other clothes!” Sigh. She seems to have this idea that laundry shop these days still operate like those of the old where they have many many racks to hang the clothes out in the sun to dry.

At which point, I went, “But, mum! You saw it on TV! The laundry shop these days have machines for everything! They don’t sun clothes anymore. They put it in machines and blow dry them.”

“Yah! With HOT AIR. Your jacket sure spoil!”

Frustrated and seeing no point to this argument, I replied, “I am sure they will have a machine that blows cool air that they use to cool clothes that just came from the hot air machine. Don’t worry! I will let them know and if they cannot do it then I will think of other ways. We don’t argue anymore okay?”

And guess what?

She stomped out of the house and SLAMMED the door.


Whatever. I am going to sleep. Welcome to my life.