I wish I don’t only blog when I am upset. But…ahwell.
It’s getting easier for little things, big things, all things to irk me and to disturb me.
The past few weeks were not awesome. Not fantastic. Not good. Not normal. It was a downward spiral towards negativity.
I don’t really want to talk about the reasons here. Let’s just say everything is just adding up. And no, it’s not just about work or that recent issue.
I don’t know if anyone has noticed but…I’m eating lesser these days. I skip meals. I eat a tiny portion of my food and declare that I am full. It seems to be a counter-reaction to all these negativity. Especially for the past week and a half.
I don’t know if I’ve lost any actual weight but I know my body is shrinking. I can see it.
I know it’s not good for my body but I can’t help it. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m sick of being strong. I’m sick of things beyond my control. Yet…I refused to ask for help. I don’t want to.
I want to cry. I want to curl up and sleep the whole day away. I want to escape into books. But I can’t I can’t I can’t.
I dont need people to solve my problems. But I think I need people to “prop me up”.
I don’t know. So, here’s an official statement to everyone. I’m down. Out of order. Almost malfunctioning.