on turning 25.

whenever i remember that i am turning 25 this year, this weird feeling will pop up and sometimes, i will gasped out loud. usually, i will just cover up the gasp but going, “OMG! I am getting old!”

i can’t describe the feeling but it’s something like the feeling you have when you are about to take off. like your heart has skipped a beat. but not exactly like that.

so i was thinking about it tonight after the feeling crept in again while talking to the usual suspects. i finally understand why this feeling is here.

I never thought I will live this long. That I will live to this age.

THERE! I’ve said it. I’m not going to elaborate because it’s a tangle of messy, depressing thoughts.
But yeah.

I’m turning 25 in 7 months. F this.

 

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nightmares.

Nothing new if you are on my Facebook.

I have been haunted by nightmares since before my trip to Korea. I can’t remember which came first. The nightmares or the sliding of the mood.

But these days, the moment I sleep and fall into REM sleep, I will start having nightmares. I can’t quite remember what they are about or who are in them. But I will wake up disturbed. Some nights, I will even force myself to stay awake to “save” the people in the nightmares. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to them.

The only way to stop these nightmares was to make myself so tired that I will conk out. But the problem is, without REM sleep, I get more and more exhausted as the days go on.

Even during my trip to Korea, I was still having them. Well, for the first few days, I wasn’t because my body was still adjusting to the new environment. I could barely sleep for more than 1.5hours without waking up. That kinda eliminated the possibility of nightmares. But towards the end of the trip, I started falling asleep again and that’s when the nightmares came again.

The first few days back in Singapore, the nightmares were lingering in my sleep. They don’t play out but they are there. And Saturday…I finally slept for 8 hours. But halfway through that 8 hours, I started having nightmares of blood and Willy Wonka’s factory. I woke up and fought to stay awake. And I didn’t fall asleep again. When I went back for a nap, I started having nightmares again. This time, I sweated and was thrashing around in bed. Sigh.

Initially, I thought travelling will eliminate the nightmares. But it didn’t. Just like how travelling didn’t elevate my mood. Like how it didn’t remove the burnt out feeling.

I don’t know what is haunting me or causing these nightmares. But I am getting weary of sleeping. Oh, the irony.

the man on the bus.

On Friday morning, I boarded 854 as usual. It was crowded and my usual seat was occupied so I had to seat at the back (X in the picture below).

bus layout.

After waving to my mum and the bus was on the CTE, I tuned in to my iPod touch to catch up on my show.

When the bus reached the 2nd last bus stop, a hand suddenly blocked the screen and waved. I was like, “What the…!”

Shocked, I looked up and this man was waving and smiling at me (seated at Y). Okay, I am bad with faces and names so I thought he was someone I know, just that I didn’t recognise him. But DEH!!!

He motioned for me to removed my earphones and I stupidly did. He went, “Can I know what show that is?”

!!!!

At this point, I can’t decide if he was trying to hit on me (I used to get that alot) or was he genuinely interested to know (but I was at some boring part!). So I scowled at him and gave him the death stare. He literally drew back.

I decided to be nice and went, “It’s called, ‘Tree with Deep Roots” and the chinese name is called, ” 树大根深”.” At which point, he gave me this funny look. Like I was kidding him.

WAH LAO! I really felt like punching him.

a) Obviously, you have peeking over my shoulders the ENTIRE journey. Rude much?

b) You interrupted my show!

c) WHAT! The show name is funny! Why are you giving me the “Is she crazy?” look!

URGH! Anyway, he tried to ask some more questions but I couldn’t be bothered. I plucked in my earphones before he can say anything and went back to my show.

Seriously. Weird people on the bus. Meh.