confession of a bad-tempered girl.

I’m not well-known for having a good temper. To quote my oldest friend, “Sometimes, you don’t even hold. Just shoot.” It’s true.

But if I have to cut myself some slacks, I have to say I have improved quite a bit. 50% of the times, I will be able to identify my anger and then hold back my reaction. Or at least delay my reaction.

But sometimes, while I am holding my temper and the other person is not cutting me any slack, I paused to ask myself, “Why the fuck am I holding back? They are not!”

When this thought occurs, there’s several ways I find myself handling it. They can occur together or by itself or one after the other.

a) Silence

I keep quiet and continue to listen to the other person. I try to understand the situation by asking questions in my sweetest voice. I try to be understanding. And when I don’t, I will agree to disagree with the person and hopefully convince the person to do so before seeking a third opinion.

b) Silence and cry

After keeping quiet and the person still keeps on ranting, without giving me a moment to silent to think, I will stomp away and cry. Why? Because I feel stupid. I feel trapped. I feel awful because really, I just want to YELL at the person. But to be the better one, I have to shut up.

And I don’t understand why the other person cannot see that I am trying my best to reconcile whatever that we are arguing about.

c) Silence and rant to another person

d) Yell back at the other person

I seem to doing a lot of (a) and (b) recently. To be honest, I am getting a little tired from doing those. I hate crying. But other than crying, there is no other way for me to output the pent up frustration.

The hardest part

It’s the way I am brought up. Since young, I tend to model my behavior to be the opposite of my sister. I think some part of me did that so as to gain the parent’s approval. I am afterall, the middle child. This has become my personality, my behavior, my habit.

So, an integral part of helping me get over my bad temper is to have external positive feedback. But, that doesn’t happen very often. Instead, you only hear the negative ones. The most common one you hear is, “Why are you so bad-temper! Never change! EVERYTIME ALSO LIKE THAT!”

Whenever I hear that, I get even more frustrated. Because, ALL MY EFFORT FOR NOTHING!

Conclusion

What I am trying to say is that CUT US BAD TEMPER PEOPLE SOME SLACK YO!

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