never thought that it will be this hard.

I’m leaving my current job and I never thought that it will be this hard.

When I was still in NTU, I like to look out of my room window when I am stress and stare at the CBD area. Those silhouette of the CBD buildings. And I will tell myself,

“Huishan, this is all going to be worth it. Someday, you will work in one of those buildings there, be happy and earn your own keeps, support the family.

And true enough, I found myself starting work there 3 years ago.

There, I found more than just a job. I found a family. A second home.

In my 2nd week, I met my CEO. I was allowed to sit in on an important presentation. I met all the senior management. I met a bunch of people who seems to know each other and who seems to know me even though I was a newbie. I remember someone once said,

“You can’t walk into the lift without bumping into someone you know or at least recognise by face.

That cannot be more true.

I’ve seen some of my own ideas coming alive. I have met some really incredible people. From the branches, from other units and most importantly, my team and my CEO.  I saw how the people here are not just colleagues, they are friends too. At some point, I thought to myself,

“Huishan. This place is awesome! You finally found a place that you belong. You can stay here forever.”

But I guess, we should never say such things as it jinxes it. Because now, I’m leaving.

Shan’t go into details about why I’m leaving. But it was a series of events, of miscommunication, of mismatched expectations and perhaps, a little bit of social issues (my Achilles’ heels). Several options were discussed, tried and it was with a very very heavy hard and a very very trembling hand that I tendered.

I know what I am leaving. I am leaving an awesome place. A place where there’s great leadership. Where the bosses walk the walk and talk the talk. Where people help each other and are so jolly all the time.

After I wrote the letter to my CEO, after I told Amy and after the news was announced to the team, I thought the hardest part was over. The team was quiet on the issue. Shocked but quiet.

I was wrong.

As news starts to seep (I hate to use the word – spread), I have been receiving calls and emails. From people that I’ve been working closely with. And from people that I have only met once or twice. All or most of them were persuading me to stay and even thinking of ways to help me. And they are saying such nice stuff about me! Everytime I hang up the phone, I go through an internal struggle.

While I am still functioning right now and my work quality is unaffected, a break is really what I need. I need to recalibrate. I wanted to take a tiny break after helping the team’s peak but for some circumstances, we couldn’t reach an agreement on that 😦

You may ask, “A break? How would that help anything?” Well, I was on MC for 2 days due to tummy upset and when I went back, my mood was different. I felt stronger. That’s why I know that a break will definitely help. I guess it’s a Gen-Y thing.

Sigh.

I’m sorry if I’ve let you guys down. I know how lucky I am to have found the Bank. To be even in the Bank. I truly truly do and am truly truly grateful. No. This is not some insincere speech. I do mean it. With every bit of my heart.

I was just telling my mum that when I leave the office every day, I will look back and tell myself, “A few more days and no more. What have you done?”

So thank you. Thank you, everyone. Thank you for the opportunities. Thank you for everything.

I’m looking forward to my last day because it means I can rest, spend some time volunteering and find myself again.

But I am dreading the last day because I know I am walking away from a wonderful place. A place that cannot be found elsewhere.

C’est la vie.

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