十年…你还好吗? If only I could.

It’s been a while since a local drama has…for a lack of better words, depth. More often than not, local dramas are loud, noisy and pretty standard. But the current Ch8 9pm drama, 十年…你还好吗? got me thinking.

In a nutshell, the story follows 2 female characters who had the chance to travel back 10 years in time to change their ‘fate’. They went back with their full memory, just that they are in a younger version of themselves (somehow this mattered to my brother whom I was explaining the story to).

If I could go back…

Ten years ago, I was 19. Just about to enter university and just about to put on my braces. That will be something like this.

1934085_10121201226_4093_n

2006 – Council Gathering with Ling and Gayabird

When I first thought about the question, my first reaction was, “Nah. There’s nothing I want to change from my past.” That still kinda stand. Why?

Because (and my brother agrees with me), even if I could change certain things, the ending might be same but the journey might be even worse (than it has been)? Or the ending might be different but the people around will not be?

Let me explain. For example, it took me 6 years before I finally ended up teaching. Over the 6 years, the pain, the politics, the stress, the self-doubt that I went through was tough. Now that I am in teaching, I am sure that this what I want. Many of you can see that I am happier than I have been in the past 2-3 years.

If I could go back 10 years, perhaps I can just jump straight into teaching. Maybe I won’t have to suffer through all the rubbish that I went through. But things are never that simple right? I believe that if I had gone straight into teaching, I will still go through the same rubbish. Yes, I will be happier in the beginning but maybe I would have dropped out after a few years and went into the private industry? Or I would have gone through the same rubbish during my teaching career and I will end up hating teaching?

I truly believe that there is a certain amount of pain/happiness/sadness that we all have to go through in our lifetime. They help us to grow, help us to improve. Even if we were to change certain things so as to avoid them, they will find us in the end in a different form or way.

There’s something I do want to change…

I had a really bad relationship when I was around 20/21. It changed me as a person. I am not going to lie. I almost went into depression. It turned me into someone who is more reclusive and less open to trying new things. It dimmed the light in me. It brought on the OCD behaviours that I still cling to so tightly. It made me wary of relationships. It broke me.

我们用青春去交换疯狂 让日子难忘…

But do I want to change it? No and yes.

No. I do not want to change it for me. Because the experience made me stronger. The same way it broke me, it also made me an easier person to live with (according to my brother). I realised who my real friends were.

Yes. I want to change it. Because during the relationship, I wasn’t the only one who got hurt. If I were to change it, I don’t want to go into that relationship. I would rather get into another one where I am the only one who got hurt.

Water under the bridge…

There’s really no point thinking about all this though. Because like the song of the drama says…原来简单 是最美的时光.  We all grow because of our experiences and we are better because of it. Onwards to a better future! (:

Here’s another picture of myself from 2007. Yes, I used to wear make-up.

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By the way, the song of the show is awesome.

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