the thing about nightmares. 

I have been having nightmares every night. No, scrape that. Every time I fall asleep. I didn’t think much about them when they first started but after 2.5 weeks….

These nightmares. They aren’t really about ghosts, monsters, zombies, dinosaurs and etc not about things that I can rationalise away. They are about fear itself, being unable to help people in need, unable to save my family, general sense of dread, unable to have control over things, hurting pple, being betrayed etc These are things that can’t be rationalised away. It’s….bad.

It got to a point where I actually wake myself up the moment I start dreaming. These fears start seeping into my life too. 

But they seem to be toning down. The nightmares. I can sleep a little better these days. I don’t wake up drench in sweat. I don’t feel like I am drowning everytime I fall asleep.

Here’s to more good sleep! I need it if I want to survive my 16 weeks. 

Devotion 28/8/2016

Sometimes, I find meaningful words/verses/phrases and I do a screenshot of them. But somehow, an idea struck me today and I thought, “Why not just do a weekly Sunday thing?” Just in case the phone dies and the screenshots disappeared *choy!*

Gonna need to change the month again next week. And it’s Week 10 in school school too. Time really does zoom by!

My OCD was properly triggered last week. On Tuesday, my brain was processing so much stuff that I forgot if I had washed my hair, face and body many many times. I spent about an hour plus in the bathroom! And my mood control of my mood hasn’t been that great too. I realised I have two types of stress mode – school stress: can’t control mood, teaching stress: 90% ability to control. Man, can’t really wait to go back to the kids!

Ah well. First presentation coming up! Hopefully it will go well.

Lord, be with you as I continue my studies. Give me the strength, perseverance and grace to get through this. Let my light shine through even when things get tough. Guide me. I trust in you. Amen!

The Lord is my light and my salvation. Should I fear anyone? The Lord is a fortress protecting my life. Should I be frightened of anything? – Psalms 27:1

Lord, let me see the way of escape You offer when I am tempted. Give me the strength to accept Your help so I can stay faithful to You. I know this Your desire for me, and I thank You that You are at work in me. Great blessings are often followed by great temptations. – ODB, 22 August 2016

Destructive people produce conflict; gossips alienate close friends. – Proverbs 16:28

God, you are wonderful and amazing, which is why I can rejoice in You always. Depression has no place in my life because I am filled with you! –  Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Be glad in the Lord always! Again I say, be glad! – Philippians 4:4

Lord Jesus, I know my spirit is willing, but my body is weak. Help me to watch and pray today for myself and for others. – ODB, 24 August 2016

Don’t be too quick to get angry because anger lives in the fool’s heart. – Ecclesiastes 7:9

Pleasant words are flowing honey, sweet to the taste and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

When disappointment weighs on you, you can either let it press you down or you can use it as a stepping stone to better things. God, like Psalm 119:15 says, I will meditate on Your Word, not the little disappointments that try to press me down. Life can be discouraging, but Your Word is encouraging, I know I can overcome the discouragement by looking to You. –  Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

I will think about your precepts and examine all your paths. – Psalm 119:15

Lord, when we are honest with You, we understand how often we fall short of honorable behavior. We know how much we need You. By your Spirit, help us replace any selfish thoughts, words and actions with things that please You and draw others to You. – ODB, 26 August 2016

But the Lord is faithful and will give you strength and protect you from the evil one. – 2 Thessalonians 3:3

Death and life are in the power of the tongue; those who love it will eat its fruit. – Proverbs 18:21

When disappointment weighs on you, you can either let it press you down or you can use it as a stepping stone to better things. God, like Psalm 119:15 says, I will meditate on Your Word, not the little disappointments that try to press me down. Life can be discouraging, but Your Word is encouraging, I know I can overcome the discouragement by looking to You. –  Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Amen.

Devotion 20/12/2015

Sometimes, I find meaningful words/verses/phrases and I do a screenshot of them. But somehow, an idea struck me today and I thought, “Why not just do a weekly Sunday thing?” Just in case the phone dies and the screenshots disappeared *choy!*

The 3rd week of break is gone just like that. One more week to go before I have to go back to work. Yes, there’s 2 more weeks of December holidays but teachers have to go back slightly earlier. Heh.

Haven’t been sleeping well these days. Mostly jittery sleep. Don’t quite know how to explain them but yeah. One more week to go. I’ll have awesome sleep! Time to tune my body clock back to normal working hours too.

Ventured out on Thursday for nails and facial. Hooray to packages. No need to pay ;p But I think the facial lady used to high a voltage during the ‘disinfection’ phase cos my skin is super dry now. Not to mention how swollen my eyes were the day after facial – I must be allergic to something. Will obediently apply moisturizer and hopefully the skin will return back to normal.

ANYWAYS! One more week to go! More rest, more reflection, more thankful thoughts! Let this week be grace-filled and peace-filled too. Amen!

What gift would you ask for and what would you offer (to God)? The Bible gives us lots of ideas. God promises to supply all our needs, so  we might ask for a new job, help with financial problems, physical healing for ourselves or others, or a restored relationship. Or we might long to be more loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind and good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled (Gal 5:22-23).

The most important gift we can ever receive is God’s gift of His Son, our Savior, and with Him forgiveness and restoration. And the most important gift we can ever give is to give Jesus our heart. – Marion Stroud

Many times we don’t get to select the work we do. But all of us can choose our attitude toward the tasks we’re given. How we do the God gives us is the measure of our service to Him. Father in Heaven, our work in life often causes us to wonder if we are accomplishing anything worthwhile. Give us eyes to see the importance of the tasks You have given us so that we may honor You by the way we do them. Humble work becomes holy work when it’s done for God. – ODB, 15 December 2015

God, I thank You that even though You see my mistakes, You still love me and help me live a godly life. While I refuse to be discouraged by my failures, I also refuse to stay the same. I choose to follow You and imitate You more and more each day. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Heavenly Father, help me to glorify Your name and to honor You always in what I do and say. – ODB, 16 December 2015

God, thank You so much for loving me and for approving of me. Thank You for smiling over me. Your love has changed my life and I know that it will only continue to do so as I grow in You. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Lord, You promised never to leave us or forsake us. We know Your word is true, but so often we see the obstacles and challenges and lose sight of You. Help us today to see more of You and less of our problems. – ODB, 18 December 2015

We need to practice positive thoughts in every situation. If you’re going through a difficult time, expect that God will work things out for your good. God, I admit that I struggle with negative thoughts and I need Your help. Line my thoughts up with Your Word. In every situation, remind me that You will work things out for my good. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Being positive is powerful. And a big part of being positive is simply reminding yourself of your past successes. If you’re going through a difficult time right now, let me remind you that this is probably isn’t the first challenge you’ve faced. You survived the last one (and probably learned some valuable lessons through it) and you will survive this one too. Better days are on their way. God promises it! God, sometimes the situation in front of me seems impossible, but You have brought me through difficult times in the past, and I know You can and will do it again. Help me to remember past successes and to think positively about my present situation. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. – Hebrews 13:5

Amen.

Devotion 6/12/2015

Sometimes, I find meaningful words/verses/phrases and I do a screenshot of them. But somehow, an idea struck me today and I thought, “Why not just do a weekly Sunday thing?” Just in case the phone dies and the screenshots disappeared *choy!*

Welcome to my month (: December has always been something special to me. With my birthday, Christmas and New Year, there’s almost always a celebration every week. On top of that, December has always been a period of rest for me since young. A time to slow down and read, reflect and rest.

First week of fly-off period is over just like that. Been unusually social if I do say myself. I met up with people that I haven’t meet in a while. I went out 3 times this week *gasp* Yes, if you know me, I don’t like going out >.< I much rather cuddle and read at home. Heh. But it’s been good (: Let the hibernation begin~

I have no plans for the coming week. Yayy! I hope to spend it reading, reflecting. And most importantly, learn to be thankful for every single day, blessing, favor that I have received. Restful week ahead, y’all. Amen!

The possibilities are endless when you make a decision to serve others not only through words, but also through practical action. Lord, I want to put action behind my words. Show me how I can practically help the people You bring across my path so they can experience the power of Your love. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

I believe God’s grace is the power that enables and energizes us to do what we need to do – and He gives generously, as we need it. God, I know that You have overcome any and every obstacle, so I ask You to help me live in the peace that You’ve provided for me. Show me how to trust You as I live ‘in the now’. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer. – Psalm 40:17

Be glad in the Lord always! Again I say, be glad! – Philippians 4:4

Give Jesus your heart and ask Him to make you pure and clean. He may tumble you a bit, and it may take time to smooth away the rough edges. But He will never give up on you. Lord, when we have nothing left but You, we are right where You want us. You can use any situation for Your glory and our good. You never give up on us. Help us to relax in Your love. God loves us too much to let us remain as we are. – ODB, 2 December 2015

Do what you need to do. It may not be easy. It might take some time. But trust God and go for whatever it is. Look from the place where you are right now – and go! God, regardless of what’s happened in the past, help me to look up from where I am now. I thank You for Your new beginning for me. I will boldly step into it and walk out Your calling for me. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice. – Proverbs 24:17

Lord, open my eyes and my heart to be honest about my attitude toward those who are unkind or unfair to me. Fill my heart with Your love, Lord, and help me to pray for them. – ODB, 3 December 2015

God, I trust You to guide me on the journey You have for me, and I know that when I get off track, You will always be there to help me recover and keep going. – – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

The struggles and trials may not disappear, but we will discover that He gives us His peace in the midst of them. Lord, we see danger and trouble all around us. Help us not to worry but instead to trust and rest in You. Show us the peace that comes from waiting patiently on You. – ODB, 4 December 2015

Breaking a habit requires making a series of good choices, one after the other. God, I’m done living with my bad habits. I make a choice to take the authority You’ve given me over temptations that want to boss me around. I will follow Your Holy Spirit into new and better life habits. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Don’t be defeated by evil, but defeat evil with good. – Romans 12:21

God, You have given me a choice, and I choose life! I know change is hard, but I ask You to help me. With Your help and my willingness to change, I know I can overcome any obstacles. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Be rooted and built up in him, be established in faith and overflow with thanksgiving just as you were taught . – Colossians 2:7

Amen.

Devotion 22/11/2015

Sometimes, I find meaningful words/verses/phrases and I do a screenshot of them. But somehow, an idea struck me today and I thought, “Why not just do a weekly Sunday thing?” Just in case the phone dies and the screenshots disappeared *choy!*

Last week of school for the kids are over just like that. It’s been so hectic that I don’t even have time to feel sad. But when I told the class on Tuesday that my last lessons with them is on Wednesday, I think there was collective sadness. My photos for them came in time and instead of buying them ice cream, I bought them fries. I’ll miss you, 2Care. My first form class. Though it was only 2.5 months, we have grown closed and I’ve seen the class become united (: *thankful*

With that said, after sending the kids off on Thursday, this unbelievable sense of tiredness hit me (part of it due to my flu). In my head, there’s just one thought, “I did it. I don’t want to teach for the next month or so.” Hahaha! One more week to go before the fly-off period begins and I can begin my hibernation! In need of some intensive me-time. FIGHTING!

Coming week will be fulled of meetings and seminars. I ask for loads of energy, focus and grace and favour to guide me through the week. Let’s go! Amen!

I thank You, Lord, that though my heart can grow cold at times, when I remember You, I’m encouraged yet again. Thank You for Your love for me, for Your mercy and Your sacrifice. Praise comes naturally when you count your blessings. – ODB, 15 November 2015

Thank You, Father, that I don’t have to walk my life’s journey alone. You are near. We can go a lot further together than we can alone. – ODB, 16 November 2015

I’m determined to finish God’s call for me and enjoy every minute of it! It’s up to us to keep learning, growing and letting the Spirit of God work in us. God, like Jesus, I want to be able to say that I have completed the work You have for me. Thank You for working in me to give me the power and desire to live for Your pleasure and finish my course with joy! –  Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

I have glorified you on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do. – John 17:4

1st John 4:18 teaches us that understanding God’s love for us will deliver us from our fears. Now, this doesn’t mean we won’t ever feel fear, but faith in God and His love will enable us to “do it afraid” if we have to. He will lead and guide you, so you can put your confidence and faith in Him. God, only Your love can cast out my fear, so I put my faith in You. I know that Your presence is with me and that You will lead me through any fearful situation I face. I receive Your love. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Teach us, Lord, what it is to reflect Your light, especially when life’s demand can tempt us to live selfishly. Help us today to live in Your love. -ODB, 18 November 2015

Lord, Your Word says that a cheerful heart is a good medicine. Thank You for helping me to find the joy and fun in life! – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Whether you know it or not, someone is watching or looking up to you. People are influenced by the way you live and they need see God’s love in your everyday actions. God, every day there is another opportunity that You have given me to reach out, bless and influence someone else with Your love. I want to live a life of blessing towards others, showing them what it means to live a God-focused life. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

So then, let’s work for the good of all whenever we have an opportunity, and especially for those in the household of faith. – Galatians 6:10

Dear Lord, no matter what others may say or do, give me the courage to be faithful to You today. Keep following Jesus. – ODB, 20 November 2015

God, I believe that You love me and that You have given me the power to overcome. As Your child, I will act on the faith You have given me every day, trusting in You and overcoming any obstacle that comes my way. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

Dear Lord, when I feel discouraged, help me to keep pressing on, looking ahead to when I will be with You forever. – ODB, 21 November 2015

Lord, I know that my mouth is a powerful tool that can be used for You or for the enemy. I submit my mouth to You. Show me how to speak Your truth into my life and into the lives of others. – Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life

For those who want to love life and see good days should keep their tongue from evil speaking and their lips from speaking lies. – 1 Peter 3:10

But you, Lord, are my shield! You are my glory You are the one who restores me. – Psalms 3:3

Amen.

I have had so many aww-worthy moments. But I thought this is worth blogging about.

I have 3 musketeers in my class. They are BFFs and will always talks to each other by shouting across the classroom. I won’t go one day without shouting their name and asking them to pay attention. They are the biggest contributors to my collection of confiscated items.

But this past 2-3 weeks, one of them had a total change in behavior and attitude. He pays attention in class and his work is excellent. I can’t pinpoint what happened (writing a note to his parents didn’t help previously) until now while keying in their conduct report for the term.

  1. I gave him the chance to redeem himself when he did something really bad. I didn’t call his parents but got him to write his apology in his pupil’s handbook. I told him I will let him tell his parents his version of the incident so he won’t get punished.
  2. I caught him scribbling in a book during lesson. I confiscated the book and found out that he had a fight with his BFFs. Instead of scolding him, I asked him what happened and he very shyly told me that they kept calling him names so he decided not to friend them anymore. I asked if he wanted me to help him and he said no.

I think reason 2 must have played a bigger role. I AM SO PROUD OF HIM! He is super eager to participate in class these days and has done rather well for the exams. Moments like this just makes me smile (:

the 老za-bor and the 老uncle (:

I just want to note this down and share it on my Facebook so that when this appears on my “On this day” a few years down the road, I will remember how I feel right now (:

I’m proud of my mum and dad.

My dad owned a shop and my mum had always been helping him since forever. They have never worked for anyone other than themselves. When the dad’s shop closed in the 2008, my dad went to my aunt’s shop to work. Not too much of a change for my dad.

But, my mum. A year or two after the shop closed, she went out on her own and got herself a job as a carpark cleaner at one of the buildings in the industrial park near my park. My mum who really shouldn’t be working. She was already 56 back then. Then when her company’s contract with the industrial park ended early this year, she went around asking and is now working at ITE Central as a cleaner. She’s 60 this year!

The siblings and I always thought that my mum is the resilient one. But when the aunt’s shop was sold this year, my dad did something that gave us a shock. He went and got himself a job at NTUC Fairprice! MY DAD! My 63 year old dad! The one who has never ever in his life worked for anyone but himself and relatives.

It pains me to see them still working at their age. To see them rubbing ointment on their bodies every other night. But I’m also so proud of them.

My parents never once complained about having to work at their age. I can only imagine how huge an adjustment it must be for them to “work outside” at their age. But they never once complained. Maybe they do complain to each other secretly but they never once did it in front of me. They are working because they need to support the brother through university, because they don’t want to put too huge a burden on me (or my sister). They are working because they used all their savings on the dad’s shop, on putting me through university (I didn’t take up a study loan) and now, putting my brother through university (without taking a loan). For them, working at their age is just something that needs to be done.

I’m proud of my mum and dad. Or I’m proud of the 老za-bor and the 老uncle (as my brother will call them) (:

My role models. Sometimes, I feel like such a wimp when I look at them.

Mum, dad. 2 more years and the brother will be done with school. Then, you can retire. I’m sure this is what I want to do as well, so no more unemployment periods for me too. 2 more years!

I love you and thank you for always being there for me (: