the hollow.

Maybe it’s the new laptop that’s making me blog almost everyday. Or maybe it’s just me. Heh.

Have you ever had that feeling that you can’t connect with the people around you? Or like you’re invisible? Or like you’re a stranger to your own world?

Maybe it’s because I am still swimming in post-medicated stupor. Maybe it’s because I am still sick. Maybe maybe maybe.

But, today is one of those days for me.

Stepped into the office, walked quietly to my seat. Sat down and started typing away.

The only noise I made was when I sprung into my boss’ office to bai nian >.<

After that, when I went for the video-shoot, I couldn’t get into the action. Just stood there at the side and took some photos before quietly making my exit. I just couldn’t get into the hype. I didn’t want to butt in.

Then, back to the office. Had a tiny discussion with the boss (well, technically, everyone is my boss in my unit ) before helping to set up. Nice intern boy came to help but both of us didn’t attempt to make conversation.

Back to the office again. Didn’t take up the offer to sit in during the sharing. Didn’t offer to help take photos. Just…I guess drifting is a good word.

Then stoned over lunch while everyone was chit-chatting. Lucky Joan was stoning with me as well. Back to the office and…I can’t really remember what happened.

But I didn’t “eavesdrop” on conversations. I am hearing things but I refuse to laugh along or jump into the conversation. Just concentrated on clearing my 4-day old email and catching up on stuff.

When it came for time to go home, I happened to leave at the same time as my other 2 colleagues. Even then, I didn’t talk to them much. They talked their own stuff while I click on my phone. Then again, those 2 colleagues are like BFF and they havent seen each other in a while so of course they have a lot to talk about. Just happen that it suits my mood today.

And I drifted back home. Dinner was quiet. When the family got into a discussion about the 9pm show, I didnt step in to give my opinions. I held back. Listened to my sister rant about work and I didnt bother to step in as well.

Now, here I am.

Really. Today was just weird. Like I’m a stranger to my own world. Like I am in a stupor. Or maybe, the world (and everyone @ work) is just rejecting me because I did something wrong.

Whatever it is, I am going to carry on this weird feeling over the weekend. Cash it in and cozy up with a book.

what should i learn next?

Since 2010, a permanent new year resolution of mine has been to pick up a new skill. 2010 was photography and 2011 was Korean. Now that 2012 has arrived, I’m thinking about what I should learn. Hmm.

Option A: March on to Intermediate Korean!

Yes, I have completed 6 levels of Beginner Korean @ NUS Extension! Surprise surprise. There I was talking about giving up at Level 2 but in the end, I trudged all the way through. Partly thanks to wonderful classmates like Yiqi, Soek Mui and Lara (:

Now, I can’t say that I am an expert or I can fully understand Korean. I’m far from that. I’m also the weakest in my Level 6 class! But I can read Korean and understand (but very slowly) some basic Korean. I can ask for directions but I might not necessary understand the reply (still confused with the left, right, up, front, above etc). Hahaha!

So, should I continue to Intermediate Korean? That’s another 6 levels!

Option B: Pick up another language.

While my love for Korean has not dwindled, I thought it might be nice if I take a break from it. You know, go to the other side to see if the grass is really greener or what not.

I contemplated taking up French but seems like NUS Extension don’t offer French classes. There’s always Italian but other than working for an Italian boss @ Perlini’s Silver, I don’t exactly know how Italian sound like.

I did contemplate taking up Malay especially after my one day trip to Head Office last Thursday. If not for Hasbullah and Jamilah, we might not have made it in time for the flight back. Plus, the company might be willing to sponsor my course!

What do you think?

Option C: Pick up a musical instrument.

I think I am not very musically talented or inclined. I tried learning piano from the sister when I was young but gave up after realising that my fingers have to be stuck to certain keys. I did try to pick up guitar in Secondary 2 during music class. But I was hopeless. Everyone will be happily playing along and I will have my fingers ready at the last cord and play it Hehehe!

But I think I am ready to attempt again! I mean, it’s fun to challenge myself once in a while no? (:

I was thinking of picking up guitar. Relatively cheap instrument to acquire. Which means I can practice at home.

OR I was thinking of drums or gu zheng. But these instruments are expensive! Which means I can’t buy to practice at home.

So how now, brown cow?

Option D: Shut up and drive!

I’ve always said, “I will only pick up driving when I am able to afford a car!”

No, I still can’t afford a car but seeing how renting a car might be more convenient for family outings in the future, I thought it’s about time I pick up driving.

Yes, my dad knows how to drive but he’s old. Yes, my sister knows how to drive but the family is quite jittery about her driving skills.

While cabs are another option, I have had enough of cabs not appearing even though you have pre-booked them. Seriously?

So, maybe?

–

While I gave up learning “The Boys” halfway (the timing was off and there’s just too many breaks in-between lessons), I will still be taking up dance classes. I think.

Exploring the possibility of taking up private lessons. Hopefully that will happen. Cause I kind of enjoy learning K-Pop dance (:

Anyways, let me know! What should I do this year? Option A? Option A and B? Help?

random.

I’ve finally gotten my new laptop! But seems like the graphic and wireless card is a little wanky. Waiting for Samsung to give me a call. Ahwell. Such is my luck with gadgets these days *shakes head*

With that said, I fell sick over CNY. Hahahah! Was THIS close to losing my voice too! Lucky I went to the doctor before that happened *phew* 53 bucks for consultation + 40 bucks for meds. Half of my hongbao money flew away -.-

Anyways, likey my cheongsam dress. Thanks for the recommendation, ber!

with the sister and cousins (excuse the oily face).

I think some things in me are slowly changing and I didn’t realised it until scarecrow made a certain comment on Friday.

I don’t exactly know how to put it but to make things simple, I guess…My walls are coming down. I’m no longer as defensive as I used to be.

But while the walls are softening, there’s also a little war waging inside. The reluctance.

Nah, won’t go into details. Head is feeling a little giddy. Going to rest.

HAPPY CNY, FOLKS!

Invasion of privacy.

My trusty Fujitsu died about a little over a month ago. So I havent been blogging because I cant really blog in the living room since it’s always so noisy. Noise = not conducive for thinking.

Anyway, my gmail was pretty quiet today and I wondered why. It was a good thing I logged in using my sister’s macbook and was then informed that there were suspicious activity in my account. Further information highlighted that my account was accessed from Canada I checked my Inbox and found a series of spam mail sent to some of my friends. I wonder why I was not notified of such emails entering my mailbox. Especially since both my Android and iPod touch are synced to that account

I have changed my password and switched on added security. But my mood is ruined.

I’m a person who treasures privacy and personal space very much. I dont even let anyone (other than myself) enter my room. And my email is something I count as my personal space and hold close to me. So to find out that it was hacked is kind of “traumatizing” and a definite mood downer.

Doesn’t help that after I’ve ‘solved’ (I hope I did) the gmail problem, I turn to see my 2 month old iPod touch have ‘spasm’. The screen was “spasm-ing”! I tried to shut it down but cant. Tried to take a screenshot also cant. Plugged it into powerpoint and my sister’s laptop also didn’t work.

Ever since my laptop died, iPod touch has been my best friend. So to realised that it is also dying, my sucky mood went down even more

It might seem like small stuff but think about it. Laptop died –> All information gone. iTunes information gone. gmail hacked –> no idea what spammer sent out. possible that your sensitive information is leaked. possible that your data can be gone. iPod touch dying –> nothing to keep you entertained. no music. data all gone. if after repair, no laptop to sync stuff in. 

So, yeah. That’s why I am so upset right now. Sigh. 

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the successful failed surprise.

I’m not one to be surprised by surprises. Birthday surprises never did worked :pI

But this year…I got surprised thrice (: not a FWAH surprise. But more of a “oh. i didn’t expect that” surprise. the small ones.

ahh..signs of getting old perhaps.

It started with the Famous Amos gift and the book from the colleagues.

all my favorites - book, cookies + chocolates!

I was not expecting any presents cos I already received a huge one from them waaayyy before this!

Anyways, the surprise of this lot is the Famous Amos cookies! I was rather grouchy in the morning and randomly whatsapp-ed in our group’s chat that I was craving for chocolate chips cookies. So,  I didn’t expect them to buy for me! <3 <3

Second surprise came from the family.

Decided to cancel lunch with the family caused the brother had to go for NS thing in the morning and I didn’t want him to rush. Dinner was a no go cos I had to go for SNSD concert.

So, I told the mum to just get a cake and we will celebrate after I am back home.

After the concert, I texted the sister that I was coming home. She sounded kind of weird, asking if I was buying food. Feeling irritated, I called her and she said she already ate. So I was like, “huh?”

Then she asked me to get her a bread from Breadtalk. At which point, I was feeling darn irritated cos of her conflicting messages and my headache. I told her I am not getting them for her.

But when I got to AMK, I felt guilty and called back to ask what bread she wanted. The dad picked up the phone and said, “No ah. Your sister ate. No need to buy.” And the sister suddenly grabbed the phone and asked me to get her the pork floss bun. Finding it strange (cos she dont really take pork) but too tired to argue, I bought the bun and walked home.

I saw the door of my house slammed shut when I stepped out of the lift. Not suspecting anything, I proceeded to walk towards it. I even said hello to the neighbour’s cat who was hiding underneath some plants (so cute!).

After unlocking the padlock, I was kinda pissed to find the inner door locked! So I knocked real loudly and yelled, “OEI!” Usually, the sister will rush out to open the door for me cos I will get really angry if I’m locked out for a long period of time. But this time, no one came!

So, I knocked again! And my dad came to open the door!

The first thing I noticed was that the living room lights were off. I was about to ask why when the mother started running forward with a cake + half-lit candles and the sister was behind. Apparently, they locked me out on purpose and the dad was so blur to open the door for me!

Anger gone and surprised, I told my mum that I will go out again. So, I gave them awhile before going in again and this is it -

the dad laughing behind.

(:

When we were eating the cake, the mum asked the dad why he went to opened the door and his reply was -

She knocked! So I open lor!

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

And then, the sister went to spoil the surprise that the brother bought me a gift To which, the brother went -

WAH LAO! You and lao pa the same one lor! why you tell her I got her perfume!

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

with the siblings (:

Third little surprise came from the girls (:

It’s been a while since we spent actual birthdays with each other. So I was really glad when the girls agreed to meet me on Sunday! (:

Again, not expecting anything from them but….

favorite flower (:

Hee! Thank you, girls! I just read the card too! Mabel, you’re the one who is obsessed with boobs not Sivan! >.<

And, the girls were very nice to “entertained” my silly suggestion of finishing a tub of Ben & Jerry before we head home!

we also bought one home each!

So yes, this was how after 24 years, I am finally getting surprised by surprises (:

some feelings

 I dont know why but my heart is pretty heavy when I wrote the letter to my future self (read the letter from 23 year-old me ). I don’t know why the same heavy feeling is back as I write this post.

Whatever it is, thank you everyone for spending a wonderful 24th birthday with me (: Thank you for your wishes and/or for making the effort to make it such a happy one for me.

Dear superstition, please don’t come true. I deserve to celebrate my birthday, ok? (:

Rest of the photos of how I got older can be found here.

Letter from 23 year old me (:

via futureme.org

( Hee. I wrote this a year ago!)

Dear FutureMe,

It’s funny. Suddenly, you feel like writing this letter @ 1.54am with HIMYM in the background.

How has Year 23? Did you get a new laptop? How about a new iPod touch? Is Galaxy S still surviving?

Are you still at Maybank? How was your first bonus?

Did the April trip to Taiwan happen for the family? (: Is Ah Yong liking life in the army?

Are you finally going to Korea soon? If so, with who?
Are you still learning Korean?
Are you still blogging?

Do you have a boyfriend?

How’s the family? (:

So many questions. So many unknown. I dont know what to tell you.

If Year 23 sucked, BUCK UP, SOLDIER! Year 24 will rock! You survived 21 and you can survive this too!

If Year 23 was good, remember to thank god. For He has taken care of you and your family again (:

Whatever it is, TAKE CARE! (: I HOPE YOU ARE DOING GOOD!